Overcoming A Fear of Heights (and Publishing)
For spring break, we went hiking in Capitol Reef National Park. No reefs but lots of beautiful sandstone.
One hike wound up a cliff and past several ledges. A few spots made me nervous, but I wanted my daughter to keep going. I played it cool.
I held her hand and talk about the wideness of the trail, the beauty of the view, and the amazing plants along the way. However near the top, I went from playing it cool to frigid. Every nerve shouted, “YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE!” I managed to help my daughter to the other side of a steep pass but couldn’t budge myself.
This moment of panic reminded me of a similar heart-racing experienced in a bookshop several years ago.
On that day, not long after parting ways with my first agent, I browsed Powell’s enormous children’s section. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed by the literal mountain of the children’s books in existence.
How could I add anything to THIS? I thought
The standards for publication seemed impossibly high, and I feared those heights.
I bought my books, drove home, and stopped writing.
Weeks passed.
Do you know what got me back writing? My friends.
“Do you have anything for critique group this month?” they asked.
I was too scared to send something for publication but felt safe enough with my critique partners.
I wrote and critiqued and wrote and critiqued. Several months later, I had something polished enough to query again.
This experience taught me a few things.
1. It’s okay to take a step back. Sometimes the best way forward is a temporary retreat.
2. Hard things are easier with friends. Whether writing a first book or running a marathon, friends make everything better.
3. Bravery can grow. I didn’t sell the first book I sent on submission after my query hiatus. Or my second. I didn’t let that stop me. A handful of queries at a time, I worked towards my goal. Send, send, send. Reject, reject, reject. By exposing myself to my fear over and over again, somewhere along the way it stopped bothering me.
Within a few years, I was reading my books at Powell’s storytime.
These three guidance points work for more than just writerly fears. They also helped me on my Capitol Reef hike.
First I took step back. My racing heart slowed, my head cleared, and I called for help.
“I’m stuck!” I yelled.
Josh came back and held my hand over the narrow part. Together we finished the hike.
And guess what? On the way back, I didn’t need help.
Bravery grows one step at a time.
Wherever you are and whatever your next steps are, I hope you find them, face them, and embrace them.
Best wishes,
Hannah
p.s. Mother’s and Father’s Day are just around the corner. Here are some of my favorite picture books on the theme of parental love. Find the complete list here.